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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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After the fire’s out, I’m exhausted. I head back to the café, and the old dudes are still there, still arguing. I sit down, and the barista, Lucia, hands me a free drink. “For the hero,” she says. I’m blushing, but I’m also like, “I just want my caffeine fix!”

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